When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our partner, we blame them. But if we know how to be with them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Instead of turning away from your pain, sit with it for a while.
We have higher expectations for a relationship – for our partners, and for our connections with each other – than ever before in history. With higher expectations comes new challenges – to build and sustain intimacy, connection and aliveness over the course of our relationships, throughout our lives.
Couples now have access to more information about relationships, but less experience with bodily feelings of connectedness – how to transform difficult feelings in the body, mind and heart, to create a deeply attuned, fully alive, connected and loving relationship, that remains strong even during difficult times and conflict.
Many of us feel that we can’t speak to our partners from our hearts – that we can only be ‘positive’ in our approach and share ‘positive’ feelings. In love and relationships, there will be some difficult times – and those times don’t need to break us down and break us apart. We can learn how to be with our partners in an honest and authentic way – that may not always feel ‘positive’, but will be true – and the truth heals us.
Many couples continue to repeat patterns from past relationships until they learn about what has happened before and how to truly connect and understand each other – fully and completely – from the depths and truth within them.
Often, couples who end their relationships, do so, because they don’t yet know how to understand and be with the energy in their bodies, develop and hold their boundaries, include breathing and movement into their day-to-day lives, and understand how family of origin may be setting their relationship up for disappointment.
1) Awaken your body and move through stuck energy together – practice moving through existing conflict by working with your body, breath and energy.
2) Create emotional & physical boundaries – learn to practice respect for each other in this way.
5) What to do when your relationship fragments and breaks down.
Couples can learn new ways of being in relationship with one another, and know that each person can be fully, authentically themselves, and connect to their energy, body and heart in new and enlivening ways.
This week, ask yourself what you can do to create better conditions in your life for growth in your relationship.
What can you do to make the ‘soil’ of your life better for this growth?
And ask yourself what your attitude about growth and change is.
How do you understand the days you are off balance? And do you let in support when you need it to allow your relationship to grow.
Rediscover your ALIVENESS with Embodied Sessions, Programs & Practices to Wake Up and Live in the Flow of Your Life.
You can choose how we work together:
- In a chair – sessions can address emotional struggles, chronic pain, and relationship concerns, and support during life transitions. I use a variety of methods, including verbal dialogue, Relational Psychotherapy, Integrated Body Psychotherapy, Embodied Mindfulness and somatic practices. (in-person or via Skype)
- On the floor (thick padded mat) – sessions are a hands-on form based on body-systems work, somatic movement therapy. Movement sessions can address chronic pain, holding patterns that cause excessive tension, injury recovery, energy system imbalances and emotional blocks.
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