Someone whispered recently, how do I know if my new relationship will last? That I won’t have to be alone again, and that the good feelings will last forever.
I smiled, a full body smile, and mentioned softly that we don’t know. We can’t know. We don’t know what the future holds for our relationship, for us, or for anything else that we love.
Several years ago, she experienced the unexpected end of her marriage. A betrayal, a broken promise, a shattered dream. Sometimes impermanence smacks us in the face without much warning. It was always there, of course, lurking in the background, she’d just been distracted, or fallen into illusions of permanence, or turned her back on the possibility of change.
Now, she is in love again, and she wants the feeling to last. We all do. All we can do is be aware of the uncertainty of life and remember that we are not the fearful feelings we feel, but that we are the essence of love. We can always come back to that warm feeling of love inside of us, no matter what happens in our lives. Even during the most painful situations.
We are not being punished when something painful happens to us, although it may feel like that, we are being called to experience our vulnerability, our softness, and to call upon the love that exists deep within us.
We are always able to love, even when it seems impossible to do so. We may need to grieve our losses, but we are able to let the tears flow, and remember that love is always there. Within ourselves, we can connect deeply, to listen, to care, to feel, to laugh and to cry. We can show up in the midst of our pain and be present for our lives as they are right now, because we can be sure, in time, that all feelings will shift and change, and we can be grateful for the beauty that exists right now.
We can feel grateful for a call from a friend, for the beauty of a flower, for the smile from a stranger and for our breath in this moment.
The essential things cannot be taken away. Everything non-essential will crumble in time.
A path of true relationship may not be found in a book. A path of true relationship is a path of love and courage. Of opening our hearts, even after they have been broken. Of being compassionate and loving towards ourselves and our partners, even when we have suffered pain in the past.
This is a path of love and courage, that you may not know how to walk just yet. And you don’t have to do it alone.
This is a path of knowing that even when things feel bad, that somehow everything is profoundly okay in a way you don’t yet understand.
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