As people and as a culture, we would be much happier if we reexamined our very view of love. How might our relationships be different — and better — if we understood that the real work of love is not in the falling, but in what comes after? ~ Alain de Botton
In order to grow, and bring new blessings into your life, you must let go of what has happened before.
When we learn to give up the struggle to stay the same, we will grow, and true change will happen in our lives.
One of the most important areas that may be calling out for change, is the way that we solve our relationship problems.
We normally look to solve our relationship problems by protecting ourselves ~ and real transformation begins when we can embrace what’s troubling us as agents for our growth.
To remove your inner thorn.
For example, if you have an actual thorn in your arm, it would be very painful. Every time you brushed past something and touched it, or if you got close to someone, you would be worrying if someone would touch it and it would flare up.
This thorn is a constant source of disturbance, and to solve the problem, you have two choices:
1) Protect yourself – make sure that nothing touches the thorn in your arm – and keep avoiding your partner.
2) Decide that because it’s so disturbing and painful, you must remove it from your arm so that it doesn’t bother you again – open up and begin to create new pathways within your relationship.
The effects of your choice will determine what happens for you for the rest of your life in your life and in your relationship.
If you decide not to touch the thorn in your arm, protecting yourself becomes the work of your life. You will go to any lengths to avoid others touching the thorn, you will sleep differently, and you will make sure that you don’t get too close to people, so that you protect yourself.
The thorn runs your entire life ~ you are preoccupied with it – it effects your decisions, including where you will go, where you will work, where you will live, and how you sleep at night.
A life of protecting yourself from your problem becomes a reflection of the problem itself.
You didn’t solve anything by avoiding the thorn, and instead of protecting yourself, the thorn has ended up running your life.
You’ve dedicated your life to avoiding your problem, but it’s not solved, all you’ve done is devote your life to avoiding it and it becomes the centre of your universe ~ it’s all there is.
It’s obvious that it would be much better off if you were to take the thorn out of your arm, and you have the same choices when it comes to removing your inner thorns and the thorns that appear in your relationship.
This is what we do, we allow our fear of our inner thorns effect our behaviour, relationships and life choices.
Our lives and relationships revolve around avoiding our inner thorn.
We limit our lives, just like someone who has an actual thorn in their arm, and doesn’t have it removed.
If there is something disturbing you inside of yourself, you can make a choice. You can remove the thorn ~ by no longer avoiding or suppressing your feelings ~ and no longer focusing your life around it.
This is possible for you. I will meet you there – right where you are.
You can look within to the core of your being, and decide that you don’t want the most painful part of you running your life and your relationships.
You want to be free.
You want to talk to people because you find them interesting, not because you are lonely.
You want to be in relationships with people because you genuinely like them, not because you need for them to like you or you are afraid to be alone.
You want to love because you truly love, not because you need to avoid your inner problems.
You can free yourself, by being with yourself ~ mindfully, wholeheartedly and lovingly.
You are not the pain you feel, nor are you the part of yourself that feels fear and stress. Because your consciousness is separate and aware of these things, you can be free.
Your disturbances can come up, and you can let them go.
Your inner thorns are blocked energies from the past, so they can be released.
By working together, you are stepping forward rather than turning away – allowing your blocked energies to be released with mindful awareness.
When you feel triggered by your partner or others and are feeling fear, emotional pain and energies from the past, don’t push them back down and try to protect yourself from pain ~ know that there is another way.
Together, we will sit with your core self, and you will begin to experience the strength of your inner being, even when you or your heart feels weak.
This is your path.
Most of us are happy in familiar territory, even when this territory becomes pretty uncomfortable. This can feel preferable to the alternative, which we imagine could be even worse.
When we look at changing long-term habits and patterns in our relationships, we need to take a step out into the unknown – maybe we begin to tell our partner the truth about something, or stop pushing feelings away – and who knows where this might lead to – things improve when we begin to let go of whatever we’re clinging onto, but it sometimes takes a little courage to begin to loosen our grip.
If you already knew how to work through this for yourself in your life and your relationships – you would have already done that. Reach out – we need each other – we’re not made to go it alone.
We will take things slowly, at your pace, and allow the truth to show itself in a gentle and compassionate way.
Let go and be sustained by an inner energy flow that comes from within you, and you can find freedom in your relationship and in your life.
flowing along with you, xo.
Be in the energetic flow of your life with Removing Your Inner Thorn couples sessions, intimacy coaching, embodied mindfulness sessions, mindful movement classes, and The Embodied Love & Soul Freedom 3-Month Program for women leaders like you.
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