“The most powerful ties are the ones to the people who gave us birth… it hardly seems to matter how many years have passed, how many betrayals there may have been, how much misery in the family – we remain connected, even against our will.” ~ Anthony Brandt.

Your thoughts, feelings and unconscious beliefs are creating your reality now – and attachment wounds are showing up in your relationships.

Your early experiences created many of the beliefs and perspectives that are happening in your life. At one time they made sense and they served you well, as a means of surviving, coping or thriving. However, in the course of living, you may have created coping strategies, and have formed defenses that may not be serving you now.

You may be acting out the same behaviours in your life, without realizing it, because it feels familiar and safe. In fact, you may feel that your patterns are no longer serving you, that you’ve outgrown them, and that they are hindering your growth – and don’t understand how to shift what’s happening for you.

By revisiting the past, you can see the same experience with a new perspective and can choose to move forward differently – in a way that now supports you. The old energy and emotion, associated with the past that you carry with you, can be released and transformed.

Many of us believe that our lives will go exactly as we plan them; if we are smart enough, diligent enough and strong enough. We may not realize that, even though we may have many wonderful characteristics, there are unconscious loyalties and relational themes operating under the surface of our lives that run a good deal of our thoughts, actions and behaviour. It is important for us to understand what those unconscious themes are and how they are showing up in our lives, so we can practice letting go of the hold they have on us.

When we don’t feel that we are succeeding in the ways that we want to – with fulfilling relationships, career and good health, we focus on what we may not have received in our upbringing – we feel sad or angry and blame our parents for emotional or physical needs that were not met. We may visit the same thoughts over and over again – and our thoughts and complaints about our history perpetuates our continued unhappiness.

We were given life by our parents, and when our connection to our parents flows freely, we experience ourselves as more open to receiving what life brings us. When our connection to our parents is constricted, we may feel blocked in ways that we don’t understand.

Take some time now to visualize and tap in to the connection that you have with your parents – ask yourself:

-What is the first thought I have of my mother and father?
–Do I welcome the thought of them or do I shut them out?
– Do I feel them welcoming me?
– What is my experience of my mother and my father – what are the differences and similarities?
– Do I feel relaxed or tense as I think about them?
– If a life-giving force were flowing through me, how much of it (out of 100%) would be flowing through me now?

There are some common relational themes that can block our access to our aliveness:

• When we merge or have taken on the emotional life of a parent or caregiver – we hold their emotional pain and fear and act from this place in our own lives.
• When we have blamed or rejected a parent and do not want to interact or connect with them in any way now.
• When we have experienced a break in bonding with our mother.
• When we have identified with another member of the family system, someone other than our parents.

One or more of these themes can block our ability to flourish and achieve what we hope for in our lives – limiting our vitality, aliveness, health, career and feelings of happiness in our relationships.

If we can understand our core relational themes, know how to look for them and notice how they are showing up in our own lives, we can begin to clear what is blocking us from feeling the fullness and deep connection in our life experiences that we’ve been longing for.

Many of us unconsciously take on our parents pain and struggle. As children, we hadn’t yet learned that we could be separate, autonomous individuals and connected to our parents at the same time, in a healthy, life-affirming way. We may have imagined that we could make their lives better by alleviating or fixing their unhappiness.

When we merge with a parent and unconsciously take on a negative, emotional aspect of their life experience, we repeat or relive certain circumstances without understanding the important links that could set us free from this experience.

“Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive.” ~ W.P.Young