When we enter a new relationship, the present moment of love is filled with the feelings and expectations of the past. Our core perceptions such as whether we feel valued or not, whether the world is a friendly place, and whether we can trust the other person, are wrapped up in our very first relationships with our caregivers.
Considering how our love relationships evoke such primal longing, along with the fantasy of healing and nurturance to the other, it’s a wonder any relationship can work at all — because they are so burdened by the weight of our personal history.
When we reflect on our relationship history, we give ourselves the chance to confront our ongoing fantasies about our current and potential relationships, and begin to see the truth about our true needs and desires.
We are all in search of a magical other, the one who will take care of us, protect us, nurture us, and spare us the stress of our journey, however, even if we do find someone like this, because people grow and change, odds are that the relationship may not last over the span of our lives anyway. Maybe this is be expected. Even welcomed. Because as we grow and learn and evolve as human beings, which is our purpose in life, we become who we were born to be.
Sometimes important relationships fall away and we feel hurt and heartbroken. It’s at these times that we need to know that our desire for wholeness and fulfillment can never be satisfied by another. This is the nature of life, and not due to any fault of ours or the person we love. We can then begin to heal.
We can begin to be aware of how we’ve been wounded in our relationships in the past and begin to heal these wounded places. A loving relationship starts with how much love you’re open to giving to yourself.
We can only give the kind of love and care to someone else, that we’ve already learned to give to ourselves first.
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