If You’ve Ever Wondered – What’s Wrong with Me?
So many of us regularly experience these feelings – such as shame, loneliness, self-hatred, or just a general sense of deficiency – that we ask ourselves this question.
When you begin to look closely at what you may be struggling with in your relationships and the feelings you have when you consider being close to other people, you may discover that you don’t like yourself very much, or feel unlovable or unworthy.
A woman once told me that while her mother was dying she told her:
“All of my life I thought something was wrong with me, and I never told anyone.”
Shortly afterwards, this woman died.
So many of us spend large amounts of our lives feeling this way – sometimes it’s an overall feeling of being damaged or it could be a feeling of constant judgement and criticism towards ourselves.
Over and over in our minds, we feel:
We’re not good enough.
We’re falling short.
We should be doing something better.
When we feel this way, we have turned against ourselves, and we cannot embrace our world with an open heart.
When you feel as though you are falling short, you are constantly monitoring yourself and how you are showing up in your life.
You ask yourself:
Am I likeable?
Am I making a good impression?
Am I doing or saying the right things?
These feelings of falling short can keep us feeling stuck – and unable to step forward in our personal lives or to take risks at work – this can drive addictions, because we often feel anxious about falling short and find that we need to soothe ourselves.
Most deeply, we see it in our relationships – we can’t be truly and deeply intimate with someone else, unless we have the capacity to embrace ourselves – and our inner life.
When we’re with other people, if we’re not feeling good about ourselves, there is some part of us that is always trying to get approval or avoid being judged.
These feelings run very, very deep.
Our feelings of unworthiness come from our interpretations of the standards provided to us by our caregivers and the larger culture – that have informed us how to act in order to be loved and accepted.
We learn to look a certain way, act a certain way and achieve certain things.
We have particular ideas about what it means to be successful and we’re always rating ourselves along side other people.
When we judge ourselves and believe ourselves to be less than, we begin to feel it in our body. Shame, anxiety and depression show up in our bodies – and we feel our emotional pain in our bodies, as well as our minds.
When we’re at war with ourselves – and blaming ourselves in some way for how we are – we can tap into something else, and begin to develop an awareness of self-compassion and self-forgiveness.
You can practice saying, “I forgive this loneliness, or this sadness, or this pain.”
Notice what is happening for you, and forgive it of yourself and let go of any resistance to feeling it.
Begin to cultivate mindfulness of your emotions – say fear or loneliness – and the part of you that’s blaming yourself for it.
You can begin to cultivate a softness of heart – a tender space that makes room for what’s there in order to have true mindful presence of it.
When you begin to make room for and cultivate mindfulness & heartfulness – clarity begins to flow about what’s happening for you in the moment, and space opens up in your heart for kindness.
Something important begins to shift and change within you.
We’re here to expand our knowledge, self-awareness, and to grow into all that we can be.
Relationships of all kinds can provide us with a place to see your goodness, help us unfold into all that we are, and provide a safe space that allows you to express it.
When you feel that your heart has shut down or feeling stuck, ask yourself if you are willing to speak your truth, let down your barriers and open yourself to compassion for yourself.
Are you open to being fully who you are?
And to live from the fullness of your heart and awareness?
When you allow yourself to open – each day becomes alive with moments of learning, opening, serving and savouring.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
Discover the joy of being fully alive through a deeper level of authentic, vulnerable connection.
Individual and couples sessions are available in-person or by Skype – to allow time for you to pause, let go, open your heart, and be with your experience as it is. You will begin to trust your natural intelligence, in your naturally wise heart, and in your capacity to open to whatever arises.
It takes courage to step forward, reach out and open a new door.
love Kim, xo.