Are You Trying to Earn Love & Approval?
You don’t have to. No matter what someone may have told you.
We all want to be loved. And you don’t have to earn it.
In our relationships, we may feel that we want to get it right.
As though there is a right way to love. There isn’t.
If you go within, you may find a voice that says, I want to be loved, but I’m not lovable, so I have to be good and earn it.
It goes on to try to convince us, there’s something wrong with me.
The voice may also say:
“You don’t know how to have a good relationship — you’re selfish, too old, too young, poor, too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, too quiet or too loud — why bother even trying to improve your relationship or find a new one?”
You may believe that you need to fix yourself, but you’re not sure how to do it or what to fix. You just know you want your relationship(s) to work, and you want to be loved and approved of.
You spend time beating yourself up inside, trying to please people and be perfect, instead of being who you are. You are ENOUGH.
When trying to be good doesn’t work, and doesn’t get you the love and approval you want, you may think the only thing left to do is to try harder.
You end up running in circles, feeling confused.
What you’re doing to be loved isn’t working, but you don’t know what to do instead.
Confusion comes when you cling to a belief, even though it doesn’t feel good for you, and doesn’t feel true to you.
For example, you think that if you do everything perfectly your relationship will work, and you thought you did everything perfectly, and your relationship still didn’t work.
What to do?
Reflect on your beliefs about yourself in your relationship, and know that you are not flawed or bad or wrong because it didn’t work out.
If we can free ourselves from what binds us inside of us, we can allow the love that exists within us to freely flow towards others, without expectations or judgement.
Nothing expands us like the love and nurturing we receive from others.
Along the journey of our lives, situations happen that may make us distrust others in relationships, as well as distrust ourselves.
Our brains & hearts are hardwired to seek out love, and in a new relationship, a small voice inside of us is always wondering if our partner will be there for us in the way that we need.
Will you stay close to me? And be there when I need you?
In our confusion, we may feel like our efforts to love aren’t working, and we may back away from our partner.
When that happens, stop, and cultivate compassion for yourself. Begin to feel the warmth and clarity that compassion for yourself can bring. You’ve been struggling with love for a long time.
When you’ve turned away from yourself and you’re experiencing a sense of emptiness, know that there’s always an opportunity to turn toward yourself and know that you are enough.
Right now. As you are.
You are worthy of LOVE.
Let’s make sense of it together.