Stumbling Over Hidden Trauma in Your Relationship – How What You Don’t Know Can Contribute to Struggles in Your Relationship.

May 28, 2019

We can count on our partners to continually illuminate everything that remains unresolved within us. Not because they have some agenda to do so, but simply by what happens within us when we allow another to truly matter.

We come in to our intimate relationships with existing patterning that formed long ago, crafted of both personal and collective experience. While this template can be updated – it longs to be reorganized and relearned into more integrated forms within us. When activated, it is as if we have left the present and found ourselves back in the past.

There is nothing like a close relationship to illuminate the unprocessed, hidden and unknown emotions, beliefs, and the vulnerable parts of ourselves that have lost their way in the tangle of somatic and psychic pathways that exist within us. It can be a revelation to see how we attract and are attracted to those aspects and qualities in the other that we have disowned in ourselves.

Our significant other seems to have extraordinary powers to open the raw, tender, and naked dimensions of our being.

We can learn to be kind to ourselves and our partners in response to the inevitable disturbance that will arise as we make our journey as a couple together. Learning how to touch in to the energy of conflict – with skill and an open heart is something that can be learned and acts as a doorway into the transformative potential that relationship offers.

The practice of rupture and repair – of learning to move through conflict and tolerate difficult emotions, is a practice that can be learned within our bodies, minds and hearts. Through the reparation of neural and somatic pathways and planting seeds of wisdom and compassion, it reveals that relationships of vast depth and meaning are not free of conflict, but those where working through conflict is embraced as path, and a process that is unique to each couple.

I act as a guide, a support and mentor for couples to learn about themselves, each other and the relationship they are in. When you are ready to explore your relational, somatic present – I can help.

We are all in relationship, at all times. We are not often clear as to what the real purpose of our relationships is. The real purpose for all our relationships is to become conscious of and identify the barriers we have built against true intimacy and connection, and learn practices to let go of these barriers, lovingly and patiently

Relationships are where we can learn about love – and developing trust is a key element of this process. It may seem strange, but falling in love with the Self is an important element that must happen before we can learn to truly love another person.

You may find yourself in a negative cycle in your relationship – and no matter what you try to do to help your relationship, it seems to get worse. You may feel that your relationship is in crisis. It is not too late to reclaim your relationship and understand yourself in relation to another person in new ways.

We are often in unconscious, relational dynamics that keep us stuck in conflict patterns in our relationships. As relational human beings, we develop patterns of behaving and relating to ourselves and others. These unconscious relational patterns are often passive – without our intentional engagement or choice. Once we learn the components and practice of embodiment, we can observe and heal relational patterns that no longer serve us.

A somatic, embodied approach to understanding yourself and your relationship patterns – invites us to slow down and notice how our whole self responds to our partners. We notice, that when our partner says something to us, that our heart races or knots appear in our stomach. You will learn about how these relational patterns have supported you in the past – and as you learn about your responses without judgement, you can learn how to respond in a way that maintains connection without having to set aside your emotions or desires.

By acknowledging and softening, rigid patterns begin to naturally unwind and we become more connected.

At the core of my practice with individuals and couples is Embodiment – which is the coming together of body awareness, mindfulness and expression from a place of body-mind-heart connectivity. Practicing embodiment is the courageous act of becoming aware of and intentionally responding to ourselves and loved ones.

  • Mindfulness is a quality of attention where we “witness” ourselves. Instead of being submerged in our experience, we take a few steps back to notice our experience with awareness of thoughts, memories, body sensations, and body movements.
  • Body awareness is feeling the experience of sensation, muscle tension, breath quality, movement, gesture, use of space. Awareness disentangles the thoughts of what we think we should be feeling from the reality of what is being felt. Body awareness allows us to speak with authentic feeling in the moment to our loved ones – it allows others to feel our experience and understand ourselves better.
  • Expression from a body-mind-heart connection – combining mindfulness with body awareness encourages integration inside of us. Expression and engagement with our loved ones from this place is where what you say verbally is reflected in what you express non-verbally.

If old, negative patterns keep showing up in your relationships, it may be time for you and your partner to learn about how to embody intimacy and connection, from the inside out. Working together, we can clear out old traumas in your nervous system to re-create a loving, communicative, open, supportive and respectful relationship that you’ve always wanted.

Even relationships with a strong foundation can have trouble staying connected, working through difficult times, or energizing their union.

When both partners want to consciously and intentionally work together to soften and let go of old patterns, you will be on your way towards healing relationship issues that are causing your relationship to struggle.

Our practice together will include:

  • Learning how to stay in the present moment and speak from the heart during conflicts
  • Transcending unhealthy relationship patterns and heal old wounds that keep your relationship locked in the past
  • Understanding the deeper purpose of your relationship and how this knowledge can release barriers to intimacy and connection
  • Learning tools for deep, full and fearless communication to let your partner know what your boundaries and what you need
  • Deepening and expanding intimacy and connection in your relationship
  • Re-creating a strong, loving foundation for a nourishing relationship, no matter what has happened in the past
  • Developing a practice of reflection and contemplation that is helpful for understanding your thoughts and patterns
  • Understanding how forgiveness in your heart can change everything

Your relationships are important – if you are ready to understand yourself, your partner and your relationship in some new and powerful ways – and to be curious about a whole body approach to your emotional life and your relationships – get in touch.

I look forward to being with you.

with love from my heart, Kim xoxoxo
hello@kimcochrane.ca / www.kimcochrane.ca

Deep healing at the level of the nervous system enables you to explore and expand your inner landscape where self – confidence and inner agency reside. When you heal your nervous system, you can more readily access deeper ways of knowing and being that include intuition, imagination, sensuality, and the subtle body of emotions. Get in touch to learn more about working with me – hello@kimcochrane.ca

NEW Offering Somatic Aliveness – Cultivating Embodied Well-Being – a 3-Month Online Program – access deeply held emotional, physical and relational concerns and focus on what you are hoping for during this program. Starting with a one-hour introductory session, then a 1.5 hour family systems trauma session – to access and heal the roots of inherited family trauma that you are carrying with you and how it affects your health, relationships and work in the present day – then an additional 6 online sessions to help you access deeply held body holding patterns, somatic trauma and emotional patterns and integrating unconscious blocks to help you access your internal, somatic freedom. A total of 6 one-hour sessions, on Skype or Zoom, one 1.5 hour family trauma healing session, and homework to help access internal transformation from anxiety, depression, panic, trauma, stress, eating disorders, relational struggles, chronic illness or health concerns – get in touch to learn more – hello@kimcochrane.ca 

Other Offerings – Family Systems Imprint – 90-minute Session – an in-person or virtual online Zoom session – an opportunity to get to the roots of intergenerational trauma patterns & begin a path towards relational & relationship healing.  Uncover your family dynamics and trauma history – this is an opportunity to strengthen your internal relationship with your mother, father and extended family – in ways that contribute to healing – get in touch to schedule an online or in-person session – hello@kimcochrane.ca / www.kimcochrane.ca

Sessions for Individuals & Couples
an invitation for you – to feel present in your body, to unwind patterns of anxiety, depression, anger, hopelessness, chronic stress & pain, trauma, regulate your nervous system, to cultivate trust in your moment-to-moment experience, your naturally wise heart, and your capacity to connect to yourself, those you love and the love that surrounds us.

Somatic Body Learning & Practice and Somatic Experiencing Trauma Touch sessions are available for you now. Waking you up to the innate wisdom of your body, healing inherited trauma patterns, feeling yourself below the level of thought, and accessing your full beingness in flowing, fluid motion. 

When we can feel ourselves, we are able to detect and understand the sensations and emotions our bodies signal to us – and we can connect with ourselves and others from a place of felt honesty and sensitivity, set better boundaries, and make clearer decisions about our interactions.

I’d love to get to know you – to focus on your body, your mind, your symptoms and the courage it takes to move through shame and fear – along with the interconnection of your body, mind and emotions.

Get in touch to learn more about Family Systems Imprint Sessions & Individual Body-Focused Therapy Sessions, and Trauma Touch work in The Somatic Sanctuary – The Anxiety, Stress & Trauma Restorative Clinic – in-person, online or a mix of the two – and to set up a time to work together:   hello@kimcochrane.ca

The Anxiety, Stress & Trauma Restorative Clinic:
Creating Well-Being Through Nervous System Regulation.
Heal Relational Trauma – Break the Cycle of Inherited Family Trauma.
Nurturing Connection, Restoration & Building Resilience.

Easing the Body ~ Calming the Mind ~ Opening the Heart.
Somatic Experiencing ~ Somatic Practices ~ Trauma Touch ~ Movement.

Virtual, online sessions are available for those who travel regularly, have a busy schedule, live far away from the office, or prefer to work from your own home – hello@kimcochrane.ca

Working together enables everyone who is willing to do the work an opportunity to decrease feelings of anxiety, pain, depression, 
chronic stress, pain or illness – as well decrease the chatter in the
mind, and ground your mind and body with the depth of the intelligence found in the body. Experience lasting somatic transformation and feelings of calm, peace and wholeness – within your own body and within your relationships.

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