When you fell in love, you didn’t dream that your relationship could be so painful. Lately though, it has been.

What should you do?

Does all the fighting and blame mean it’s all over?

It’s not over if you commit to your own healing – the inner work of healing your own pain and unhappiness.

When you walk away from a relationship, you take your baggage with you.

Many people are not aware of what’s going on underneath the surface of their relationship – do you?

What do you need from your relationship?

To some degree, we are all needy in some way – let’s go within and consider your needs for a moment.

Be specific.

Your relationship can be painful and destructive if you don’t take responsibility for knowing your needs and telling your partner about them.

It is not your partner’s responsibility to make you happy. It is yours.

Relationships bring out the pain that already exists inside you.

When you know this, you can begin the healing that you need to ease your pain.

Many of your beliefs about who you are and your role in relationships are invisible to you, yet they are a powerful part of who you are.

Many of your choices, decisions, actions and thoughts come from your unconscious rule book which has been written for you by your family and society. Embedded within you are other people’s thoughts about who you are and what you should or could be doing.

The pain and unhappiness that arises through your love relationship might also have its origins several generations back.

So, you can take time to understand yourself, your relationship to your family and the relational pain that existed in your family over many years.

If you’re in pain and you’re in a relationship, you may be in the pattern of blaming your significant other.

Shift your focus and ask yourself –What do I want to choose from where I am now?

If it seems like your relationship is floundering, you are no longer so in love or making each other happy, or your once joyful relationship is now painful, what has arisen is what is happening in your unconscious.

It has become conscious, visible and tangible. Hidden within this difficulty is the seed of something deeply rewarding and rejuvenating. The power of seeing your pain and unhappiness coming into focus through your relationships is that when you can see it, you can feel it, you can make a different choice.

You can update, amend and erase the old rules in your book, and create new ones. You can choose more expansive thoughts of joy, love and freedom. You are not a victim of the past or of your past thoughts and feelings.

Whenever you feel upset because of something someone else has done, you can remember that this feeling is tied to a belief. If you change the belief, the feeling changes too.

Instead of “I feel so unfairly treated by that person” which is tied to a belief that someone else is responsible for how you feel and should treat you in a certain way, you can move to “I feel really bad about what happened, and I’m going to try something different next time because I don’t like feeling bad.”

All your emotional pain comes from what has happened to you before and your beliefs about that.

There is never a lack of love – we just need to learn to make sense of what’s happening for us and make a different choice.

This is the message of the pain and unhappiness in your relationships.

Love is always there. Love cannot fade away.

Let’s make sense of love and relationships together.

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