Being Fully Alive – Facing Your Fear of Aloneness.
The bridge we need to move from aloneness to connection can be found inside each of us.
The worst part of being alone is the fear that there is not enough inside of us to step out and create that bridge.
Being afraid of aloneness goes back to childhood, when we didn’t receive enough messages to tell us that we could trust in what was inside of us – our own inner strength.
Then, we needed to know that we don’t have to fear our aloneness, and that we are ok – now, and always.
As a child, many of us are taught to obey, and if we face some periods of our life alone, we feel a sense of emptiness – that somehow we did not ‘obey’ and now we are paying the price for it with our aloneness.
When we are alone, we may recall memories of feeling isolated or unlovable. We may have been left alone to your own devices for long periods of time, rather than providing opportunities to enliven your potential.
Those days are gone now, but the feelings they engender still come up.
We need to know now that being fully alive means understanding that we can face our fears and move through our difficult feelings, and thrive because of that.
We can make sense of your feelings of fear and loneliness, and they can be healed – and you can learn to live your life with periods of both connection and aloneness, without fear.
When aloneness is added to fear, we feel lonely.
We feel as though our situation will never get better and that we cannot take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, we look for relationships as places to hide – so that we always have someone to lean on.
When we fear being alone, we believe that:
– No one wants to be with us
– No one wants us
– I have nothing to offer
– I am totally powerless
– It’s never going to get any better
– I feel less than other people who are able to live their life happily
– I am not in control of my feelings
– I may feel fear and be devastated by it and not be able to do anything about it
The truth is that although we may feel disconnected and separate from others, we are actually connected to everyone and everything.
It may take practice to fully understand and feel this.
Sometimes this can only be found when we allow ourselves to confront our own emptiness.
We need to notice and be with our emptiness, rather than run away from it or numb it in some way.
As adults, we can learn to understand our relationship to our aloneness, and find new resources within ourselves to expand our focus about it.
Often, when we feel emotional pain, we abandon ourselves.
We distract ourselves or numb our feelings with drugs, TV, alcohol, work, exercise, family concerns, or relationships that don’t nourish us. Instead, we can learn to foster our belief in ourselves by trusting ourselves and loving ourselves, even when we feel badly.
When we are standing alone, instead of turning away from that pain, we can turn toward it, and we will find a companion there, that was always there. A partnership between yourself and your inner world will begin to develop that counteracts the isolation of aloneness.
You will begin to cultivate a feeling of connectedness to yourself and to everyone and everything else in the world.
As you begin to learn and practice new ways of being in your day-to-day life, you will lose the feelings or stories that you were holding on to. This may feel unusual or unsettling – and go forward with this new way of being anyway.
It feels good to be supported. I would love to support you along the way – www.s3p.d51.myftpupload.com
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