The (Hidden) Pressure to Abandon Yourself.
Just ‘get along’. Don’t be ‘too emotional’. Why are you so upset?
When we hear these phrases spoken to us, we become frustrated, angry and sad.
There is a lot of talk about self-love right now and why it so important for us to live deep, fulfilling and vibrant lives.
The shadow side of self-love is self-abandonment – living in a way that does not honour who you are deep inside, and feels painful and disconnected.
Growing up, many of us were taught to act as though we had no feelings and that our feelings did not matter, as much as other peoples’ do (like our parents or other family members). We were taught to please everyone else, except ourselves.
Over time, we begin to believe that this is the way it is has to be – the way it is.
Other women – our friends and family members – may even tell us the same things.
We feel lost and confused and wonder – what should I believe?
We find ourselves living within a faulty system – where we as women are looked at, but not truly, deeply seen. Talked about but not listened to, and sometimes used and discarded.
Like a woman claiming her body, a woman claiming her emotions breaks a silence and unleashes a vast resource of energy that can inspire all of us to transform and heal.
In order to disrupt this faulty system of patriarchal ideas and values, we must be willing to withstand criticism and disapproval from others, rooted in a larger vision of our selves and our lives, that we’ve created, that will serve to motivate us.
Women are coming together in mutual support and understanding as we begin to disrupt this faulty system, and are creating massive change in our personal lives and in the culture at large.
We all want healthy, loving relationships in our lives.
Many of us are now coming to the realization that maintaining relationships that require us to silence and abandon ourselves, are not the kind of relationships that are meaningful to us any longer.
We are longing to be whole.
To be healthy in every sense of the word and live in the fullness and truth that already lies within us.
Notice when you turn your back on other women and on yourself.
Now we can understand the hidden forces in place that keep us held captive to a false story about ourselves, our relationships and our place in the world.
Your feelings matter.
Share what’s troubling you, what’s bringing you joy and everything in between. You don’t have to stay silent and keep the peace.
You may not realize how much of yourself you have shut down and abandoned in yourself in order to fit in.
Maybe you are not supposed to fit in.
Maybe you are meant to shine just as you are – unique, shiny, you.
Are you protecting yourself from the pain of rejection of others?
As well as protecting yourself from your own feelings of self-betrayal and loss?
Most of time, you cannot detect this self-betrayal on your own, although you may notice a feeling of disconnection, numbness, anxiety, restlessness, dissatisfaction or boredom. We all need support.
You may believe that there is no solution for you – and that it’s probably best to stay safe – it’s never best to put your own fire out.
Allow yourself to burn brightly.
I work with people who are in relationships, careers and lives that don’t feel good for them in some way. They feel restless, bored, anxious, insecure – as though something in missing.
I believe in you.
Your uniqueness, authenticity, your intensity, your wildness.
Everything that makes you uniquely you.
Sometimes I will believe for you, while you take time to develop a belief in yourself.
I will hold space and be with you patiently – and to blossom into the fullness of all that you are.
It takes mindful and deliberate steps to create emotional and physical healing.
This is a call to question everything, not only to please.
If you have become accustomed to muting yourself, judging yourself, criticizing yourself, discounting yourself – and asking yourself to betray what you see and feel – know this – it is completely possible to heal your wounds and breakthrough to a whole new level of being.
If you interested in private sessions or ongoing programs with me, please get in touch – sessions are available in-person or by Skype – and can be very helpful for allowing you to open your heart, access freedom in this moment, and live as love. The good news is everything you need is already within you.
with love, xo.