Facing the Flames (Denied Feelings or Defensive Strategies) – Growing a Core of Resilience, Strength & Trust.
“Family struggles and dysfunction (can) roll down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.” ~Terry Real.
Many of us resist and avoid feeling our pain because we judge ourselves and say – what’s wrong with me? I shouldn’t be feeling badly, I should be living a perfect life. When we express our frustration with ourselves, we are being hostile to the very part of us that needs our kindness, gentleness and loving attention.
Over time, we’ve developed defenses against feeling our pain – we’re protecting ourselves, and we’ve created an inner barrier between our vulnerable true selves and our life. We must practice feeling it all, and release our defenses so that we can be grounded in the truth of the present moment.
You may feel that you’re in a perpetual state of freeze – feeling stuck, shut down or overwhelmed – and you’re waiting – for permission or approval or something you don’t consciously know – and feeling like you’re not, and may never be, enough.
You may be trying to deal with some type of crisis or trauma – something that was too much, too soon, or too fast for your nervous system to handle.
The reasons for trauma are diverse: emotional neglect, divorce, relational breakdown, surgery, illness, childhood injury, death of a loved one, a major medical diagnosis. At the very least, trauma results in a decreased ability to feel satisfaction, or emotional or physical pleasure. Its effects are surprisingly enduring.
You may now be ready to allow yourself to be supported to be with it.
We will talk together, and pay attention to the thoughts in your mind and the sensations in your body and the connection between the two.
- Somatic Experiencing™ (SE) – to relax and settle the nervous system, attune to the body and heal trauma.
- Relational Psychotherapy – to understand family patterns, your relational history, and how those patterns and relationships may be effecting you now; and to identify and change limiting thoughts, beliefs and behaviours.
- Attachment Focused Therapy – to explore the felt sense of co-regulation and safety in connection with another.
- Yoga Therapy & Relaxation Skills – to relax, enhance sleep and reduce stress; this can include touch work, or it doesn’t have to.
- Body-Mind Centering – to be with all aspects of your body and to transform fight, flight, & freeze into ease – while gaining clarity, change habits and enhance insight and intuition.
- Mindfulness & Emotional Balance – to focus on the present moment, calm the mind and enhance awareness and compassion in daily life.
By renegotiating unhealthy reactions and patterns, you’ll become better at self-regulation and more resilient. You’ll no longer be stuck in the past – and experience more feelings of freedom that you are hoping for.
In our work together, you will slowly and gently face your emotional flames from time-to-time.
Imagine being guided on a path of gradually increased tolerance for difficult sensations and emotions. You’ll learn to move away from old destructive reactions and patterns, and move into healthier ones.
Your body knows how to heal; you just need a skilled guide. We work together to renegotiate old emotional and physical patterns that aren’t serving you well.
- Better self-regulation – reacting to what life serves up in a more positive way; and
- Improved resiliency – stronger ability to rebound from discouragements, small to large.
It can feel restorative to spend body-focused time on what has been happening in your mind and body – and moving towards the feeling of safety, acceptance and calm – the safe space – helps you to find the courage you need to move to a new way of seeing and being.
love Kim, xo
When we can feel ourselves, we are able to detect and understand the sensations and emotions our bodies signal to us – and we can connect with ourselves and others from a place of felt honesty and sensitivity, set better boundaries, and make clearer decisions about our interactions.
Our first meeting happens in person or online (using Zoom or Skype), and we will talk about what is bringing you in and how you are hoping our work together will help. Our first meeting is about getting to know you, discovering your energy, how you want to work together, and asking any questions you have about the process.
I have two new openings for clients now.
Move toward a deeper connection with yourself – open a portal to the unconscious, and access obscure regions of the self where denied feelings are stored that sabotage our happiness.
“When love is the way, we actually treat each other, well, like we’re actually family.” ~ Reverend Michael Curry.