Breaking the Cycle of Inherited Family Trauma.

October 22, 2018

“When we take the time to uncover our trauma language (from our family of origin) and explore the events and behaviors that repeat in our lives, we take an important step toward healing.” ~ Mark Wolynn, author of – It Didn’t Start with You.

When we’ve experienced neglect, threat, disconnection or pain – in relation to our family of origin, we are often affected by this in hidden ways for the rest of our lives – such as aspects of intimacy, connection and relationship patterns. Our family history lives on in our fears, unexplained health symptoms, unhappy relationships, financial struggles and destructive behaviours.

Inherited family trauma didn’t start with you…. but it can end with you.

The latest epigenetic research tells us that we can inherit the biological residue from traumatic events in our family history. I’ve studied this important work – encompassing relational family trauma and developmental trauma – and how it lives on somatically in our nervous system and in our bodies. You can practice effective ways to break inherited patterns so you can live a healthier, happier, and more fulfilled life.

In our work together, you can notice relational and intimacy patterns with others, and how these patterns may be linked to inherited trauma. You can uncover traumatic events in your family history that can affect health, success, vitality and relationships. You will also learn to interpret feelings, symptoms and behaviours that link to unresolved traumas – and understand how to break the cycle, so you can break the patterns of suffering.
 

We will identify the patterns and understand the root cause(s).

Together, we will uncover the unconscious themes that are affecting all aspects of your life, identify your trauma language that may be inadvertently holding you back, and work through what you are feeling in your body, to help release longstanding avoidance patterns, emotional patterns and physical pain.

Opening to the flow of life.

Through our parents, we are connected to the current of life – a spark is forwarded to us – sent to us biologically, along with our family history.

This life force continues to flow from your parents to you, even if you are disconnected from them. When our connection to our parents flows freely, we experience ourselves as more open to receiving what life brings our way.

When our connection to our parents is impaired in some way, the life force available to us can feel limited – so we may feel blocked or constricted, or like we are swimming against the current. We may feel like we are suffering and we don’t know why.  We have the resources within us to heal – beginning with the connection that you feel to your parents right now  – whether they are still alive or not.

Begin by visualizing your parents – hold the image in your mind and ask yourself the following:

do I welcome them or shut them out?
– do I sense them welcoming me?
– do I experience one differently than the other?
– is my body relaxed or tight as I visualize them?
– how much life energy is flowing from them to me?

The unconscious themes in your relationships with your parents hinder your ability to flourish and achieve the goals we set – showing up in our behaviour and our relationships – and in how we speak about ourselves and our life.

If there has been a disconnection from our mother or father, we must consider this as a root cause of our struggle. If we feel guilty about something that has happened in the past, this can allow us to freeze up in a variety of ways in our life as well.

Many of us have unconsciously taken on our parents pain – we wanted to alleviate their struggles and help them be happier in some way. This only leads to shared patterns of unhappiness – sad mother, sad daughter etc. When we have merged with a parent, we unconsciously share an aspect, often a negative aspect, of that parent’s life experience. We repeat certain situations or circumstances without making the link that could set us free.

If we truly want to embrace life and experience joy – have deep and satisfying relationships, and vibrant health, we must repair our relationships to our parents – inside of ourselves first. This step cannot be bypassed, no matter how long it takes.

Difficult relationships often come from painful events in our family history and can repeat for generations until we have the courage to let go of our judgment, open our hearts and understand our parents with compassion. This will help us resolve our own pain, embrace our lives more fully and feel more joy.

If you have been blaming, rejecting or judging a parent for what you feel they have done to you – or if you disrespect one or both of your parents – it’s likely that a trauma lies between you and one or both of your parents. The emotions, traits and behaviours we reject in our parents are likely living on in us – as an unconscious way of loving them.

We must acknowledge, be with and feel longstanding discomfort in relation to our parents or parent and finally heal the cycle of pain.

Healing our relationship with our parents begins inside of us. Before we can take a step in the outside world, we must first make a step inside our own inner world – and together, we will work through a customized approach with exercises and a trauma-informed, somatic embodiment practice, that will help this process along.

We must continue to open our hearts to ourselves – self-compassion is such an important part of our work in processing trauma. As we practice self-compassion, we move towards a way of being where we are less judgmental, and we learn to allow for mistakes and missteps and do the work of repair for the harm we have caused ourselves and others.

This work has a strong ripple effect – it begins with your own healing, and it ripples out to your children and other family members too – that’s how powerful and important it is.

With each beat of our heart we have an opportunity to move out of old ways of being and into a more expansive state of allowing. Notice how the illusion of safety in staying with known patterns can freeze us from living fully and thriving. We can evolve from fear-based loving to love-based living.

I know how difficult and painful it can feel to allow yourself to let in the support that you’ve always longed for, when you may have been so used to avoiding things or isolating ourselves from pain.

And, I know how good it feels when we allow ourselves to be open and undefended to what is – to face what is most painful for us – so we can finally feel free.

Everything is waiting for you.

with love from my heart, Kim, xoxo
www.kimcochrane.ca / hello@kimcochrane.ca

Offerings – Sessions for Individuals & Couples – an invitation to feel present in your body, to unwind patterns of anxiety, depression, anger, hopelessness, chronic stress & pain, trauma, regulate your nervous system, to cultivate trust in your moment-to-moment experience, your naturally wise heart, and your capacity to connect to yourself, those you love and the love that surrounds us.

Somatic Body Learning & Practice and Somatic Experiencing sessions are available for you now. Waking you up to the innate wisdom of your body, healing inherited trauma patterns, feeling yourself below the level of thought, and accessing your full beingness in flowing, fluid motion. 

When we can feel ourselves, we are able to detect and understand the sensations and emotions our bodies signal to us – and we can connect with ourselves and others from a place of felt honesty and sensitivity, set better boundaries, and make clearer decisions about our interactions.

I’d love to hear your story and get to know you. Get in touch to learn more about individual body-focused sessions in The Somatic Sanctuary – The Anxiety, Stress & Trauma Restorative Clinic – in-person, online or a mix of the two – and to set up a time to work together:   hello@kimcochrane.ca

The Anxiety, Stress & Trauma Restorative Clinic – Markham:

Creating Well-Being Through Nervous System Regulation.
Heal Relational Trauma – Break the Cycle of Inherited Family Trauma.
Nurturing Connection, Restoration & Building Resilience.

Easing the Body ~ Calming the Mind ~ Opening the Heart.
Somatic Experiencing ~ Somatic Practices ~ Touch ~ Movement.

“Listen to your gut. The pull.
Don’t be afraid.
If you can’t stop thinking about it
then you want it, have wanted it,
and will continue to want it.
Dive straight in and ride it out.
The wave will carry you.
Simply trust the water.”
~ Victoria Erickson

 

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